What really changes after marriage?

Saying marriage is a huge decision would be an understatement. With marriage, our concerns, priorities, and aspirations can evolve. The way others view us and how society interacts with us can also change. In Singapore, marriage is often associated with receiving a Built-To-Order (BTO) flat or purchasing subsidised public housing, but there’s more to it. 

Wanting to delve deeper into the topic of what changes after marriage, htht organised a panel on 3rd March 2024 with a divorce lawyer, a marriage counsellor and a solemniser. These experts were asked to share their professional insights on the topic. We have gathered their insights for you below! Do follow our Instagram page and Telegram channel so you don’t miss out on our future panels! 

So, what changes after marriage: 

1. Your legal status – your default position in relation to family changes. Sounds complicated? Put simply, your immediate family was previously considered your parents and your siblings. After marriage, your immediate family is considered to be your spouse. 
   
   This may seem like a legal technicality, but it can manifest in important ways. If you die without a will, it could impact how your assets are divided. Your spouse will also become your Next Of Kin. Do you remember putting your parents as emergency contacts on school consent forms? Now, in the eyes of society, your spouse is your emergency contact.
   

2. Your relational priorities and identity – Marriage isn’t just about a change in legal status - it’s also about the shift in whom you prioritise. You now take on a new identity as “husband” or “wife” from previously just having identities of a “daughter”, “son”, or “sibling”. As your spouse becomes your next-of-kin, they should also become your primary priority over your family of origin. That’s not to say that you no longer respect and honour your parents or siblings, but that you should give more consideration and priority to your spouse.
   
   We often hear post-marriage challenges around “mummy’s boys” or “daddy’s girls”, where a spouse tends to the opinion of their family of origin over their spouse, which can lead to conflict. This conflict can be emotional and psychological, as it involves navigating between the expectations and needs of your family and your spouse. Understanding one’s newfound independence, role, and priorities is essential to navigating such strife.
   

3. Your home and surroundings –  How you interact with your surroundings and the people around you should also change. An example is that after getting married, most people will move into a new house to build a new life with someone they want to spend their life with. 

   Many of us have heard stories of couples’ intense conflicts during a home renovation. These conflicts can range from disagreements over the choice of paint colour to major decisions about the layout of the house. Psychologists attribute this to the multifaceted anxieties that crop up during this process, as the couple has to make huge decisions that will impact their living space for many years. It involves compromise and negotiating the other person’s desires, as the house is a shared living space.

   Therefore, you will not only physically move houses – and leave your familiar childhood home, which for many is a physical embodiment of a safe and secure space with your parents – but also transition to a new stage of life with more independence. There will be newfound interdependence with your spouse. You must work with them to build a new family and navigate your differences. It is completely acceptable to have conflicts with your spouse, so do your best to resolve such conflicts through open communication and compromise together, as this will strengthen your relationship. 
   

4. Your life trajectory –Family is a place to feel safe and secure. When one feels safe with their spouse and their values align, it can lead to greater self-confidence. You may be willing to take greater risks because you know you can rely on your partner for support. Marriage is an emotional commitment to be faithful to each other for life. This is also why the breakdown of a marriage can cause so much distress, as this commitment has been broken. 

   Marriage is about a commitment to a lifelong journey of discovering both yourself and your partner. Your dreams for life may no longer be just for yourself but may encompass the life you want with your partner as you understand their hopes for creating a shared future. This shift can bring about a range of emotions, including a sense of anticipation for the new life you are building with your spouse. For some, this could look like wanting to have children and deciding how to raise your children and what values to pass on to your future children. Your new dreams may also come at the cost of what you thought were your previous beliefs – wanting to spend more quality time with your kids and spouse may mean reconsidering your career and other priorities. As you spend more time in your marriage, your journey may take you on paths you had never considered. 

All relationships and people are different. Certainly, only some things we have mentioned above will apply to you, but we hope it has allowed you to make more informed decisions about your life, relationships, and marriage!

The above article also does not constitute legal advice; please consult your lawyer before making legal decisions.

Photos by Trung Nguyen

Article written by Team HTHT